Swear Words In My Head

I think I said almost every swear word in the book in my head today, while at the grocery store with my children. I hate going shopping by myself with the kids. It makes me want to shoot myself every time. But today was particularly painful, because I waited until just before dinner time to go. Don't ask me why I didn't go earlier in the day before the crankiness started.

Anyhoo...we went to walmart so I could get groceries and stuff to make costumes without having to go to different stores. As we were headed to the toy section we passed the fish and thought it would be fun to show them to Jacob. Big mistake. He LOVED them. So when I decided to get on with my shopping, he was not at all happy about it and that's kinda when it all started. I think that kind of put him in a bad mood. I'm such a mean mom!

So then, as I was perusing the toy section (NEVER a good idea with a 2 year old) looking for costume jewelry, Jacob is crying to have every toy he sees. In the past when we have gone to walmart we have given Jacob a toy to play with while we are in the store, then we sneak and put it back when he is distracted. So, I let him have a ball to play with. Well, we finish with that part of our shopping and move on to the baby section so I can pick up some diapers. By this point, Jacob is no longer playing with the ball and it is in the main part of the cart so I figured it was a good time to ditch it. Well, he saw me just as I plopped it in a random car seat as we passed by and started FREAKING OUT. We are talking kicking, screaming full on tantrum. (Like the time I was in the Target parking lot and he started screaming for "Daddy, DADDY!!" as I was trying to force him in his car seat and people were trying to decide if they should call the cops cause they thought I was kidnapping him. Ya...kinda like that.) Not wanting to encourage the tantrum I move quickly away from the ball hoping he will calm down. Nope, he continued to throw himself around all dramatic like, smacking poor Lizzie, who I was carrying in front of me in a wrap, and screaming at the top of his lungs. By this point Lizzie has joined in the hysteria because she just got totally smacked a couple times by her brother. So, I did something that I NEVER do...because, well, it doesn't work, but I was desperate. I took his hand and swatted it. And guess what. He looked at me all stunned and then started screaming even louder if that's possible, because then he was just ticked! It was then that I remembered WHY we don't swat. At that point, I thought to myself, I have two choices. I can continue shopping while he kicks and screams and throws a fit and have everyone look at me with either annoyance or pity OR give him the ball back. So, I did what any bad mother would do, and went back and got the ball, thus reinforcing his bad behavior. :) Really though, is there any reasoning with a cranky, tired 2 year old? Um, not so much. So...on to the groceries. Mind you, this whole time he is not letting that ball out of his sight!

We get to the grocery section and he decides that he is hungry and in his usual cranky manner starts whining for food. Now, he knows how to ask for food, but when he is tired and ornery, he just WHINES. Makes me crazy. So after telling him several times that if he uses his words and asks me the right way I will get him a snack, he starts screaming again. So again, I do what your not supposed to do and got out the bag of pretzels. He looked at it for a second and decided that was NOT what he wanted and starts screaming AGAIN. So I think, okay, maybe I can hurry and grab a box of fruit snacks and calm him down. So I proceed to the snack isle where you'd think the fruit SNACKS would be. But nope, no where to be seen on that isle. So after looking for a while longer the whole time my child is freaking out, I finally find them in the cereal isle. Sure, makes sense to me. So I find them and grab the box just as Jacob decides to be happy again. Okay, so I put them in the cart just in case and head on over to the produce isle, where I grab bananas. I always have to keep bananas on hand, because my kids think they are monkeys and HAVE to have their daily banana. Crazy kids. So I go to put a bunch of bananas in the cart and Jacob sees them and starts screaming "NANA, NANA, NANA!!!" I keep telling him, you can't have a banana until after we pay for them. I could see another fit coming on so I quickly grabbed the fruit snacks, ripped open the box and grabbed one out and let me tell ya, that little bag was totally plotting against me. I could not for the life of me get the stupid thing open. So I'm biting the bag and trying to tear it open the whole time Jacobs hysteria is rising. Finally as he opens his mouth to scream I get the bag open and gave it to him. He inhaled that thing and quickly asked for another one. I gave him another one (this one opened right up for me) and he inhaled that one too. So I'm thinking, good grief, the poor kid is STARVING. No wonder he is acting like this, and I didn't feel so bad about giving in to him after that. Once he had about 10 fruit snacks (okay 4) in him he was happy and cheerful. Still, I decided not to tempt fate and finished my shopping in record time...and I ended up buying the ball.

By the time I got both kids strapped in their seats and got back on the road they were both tired and cranky and they both started crying. At which point I turned up the music so I couldn't hear them. It was a nice drive home other than the occasional kicking on the back of my seat. This is them when we got home.


They look so cute and innocent, don't they?