Weeping, Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth

These are the words that came to my mind yesterday after Jacob wet his pants and was not able to play with is new "potty toy" aka his new Lego set that he is only allowed to play with after he pees in the potty. Actually, this is how I would describe his whole potty training process. There is a lot of weeping and wailing on both our parts. I feel like pulling my hair out most days, because I just can't figure out what to do with the kid. We've been training him for about 8 months now. He was trained for about a week at the beginning, then he just decided that peeing in the potty wasn't for him and it has been like pulling teeth to get him to do it ever since then. I recently got sick of everything getting peed on, so I decided to start putting him in pull ups again, which made things worse, because then he figured it was okay to wet himself. We have now discovered a method that seems to be working (for now anyways) and it has relieved some of my stress, but up until this point I have gone through several emotional ups and downs. I've had all sorts of feelings of despair. It's amazing how potty training can do that, but it really can be traumatizing. I've felt like a bad mom. Sure, everyone has moments like that, I know, but I feel like this on a regular basis. For a while there I felt like I was totally failing as a parent. After all, everyone else I know has been able to successfully potty train their child before they start kindergarten. (Okay, he hasn't started kindergarten, but he's not far off.) I keep having thoughts like, maybe it wasn't fair of me to have kids. I'm obviously not that great at parenting. I'm sure they would have been better off with someone else who wouldn't totally screw them up. What am I doing wrong? Am I just stupid? I know these thoughts are just coming from the adversary who is trying to get me down, but it has kinda been working.

Out of curiosity one day I decided to google "delayed potty training" just to see if anyone else out there had the same problem. Turns out, I'm not alone. lol. Turns out, he's just strong willed and doesn't like being told what to do. Imagine that. So, we've basically been in a power struggle/war this whole time and he was winning! So, we've had to change our tactics a little bit. We set some of his favorite toys aside and bought him a new special toy that he gets to play with ONLY for after he goes potty. He also has a sticker chart. Each time he pees in the potty he gets a sticker and he gets to pick a toy to play with for 30-60 minutes. After his time is up, the toy is put away until the next time he goes potty. And when he fills in his whole chart with stickers, he gets to go to the store to pick out a new potty toy. He almost has his chart filled out and he is pretty excited. He fell asleep tonight telling me all the new toys he wanted to get. (He was even nice enough to consider a new stroller for Jimmy.) But the key in this whole method is not telling him he has to go potty. In fact, I can't even remind him. I simply let the toys do the work. I leave them in a spot where he can always see them. When he asks to play with one, I simply ask him if he will go potty while I get it down for him. Sometimes, I see him stop what he is doing and say, "I'm gonna go potty so I can play with my toy." So, it seems to be going pretty good, although he does try to pull one over on me occasionally. Typically, before I give him his toy I go see if there is any pee in the potty. Then I have him flush and wash up. I noticed there have been a few times where I've heard the toilet flush seconds after he's gone in there and he comes running out saying how he can play with his toy now. Um...I don't think so dude. There is no way he had time to pull down his undies, climb up on the potty, pee, and pull his undies back up in a matter of 3 seconds. I often underestimate how smart he is.

One of the things that scares me the most is that, I am sure this is not just going to be a potty training issue. I am really going to have to work as he grows up, to find a way to avoid power struggles and not get walked all over in the process. I'm glad he has a strong personality, I think it will take him far, but I hope it takes him in the right direction. The fact that as a parent I can push him in the wrong direction is pretty scary. *sigh* What a kid. Pray for me. :)

Funny story. As I was looking for an image for this post, I came across this blog post that she wrote exactly a year ago today. haha. I could have written this post word for word.